When a Carefully Planned Tutoring Session Falls Apart
Today, I asked a student how he was.
“Not good.”
He had seen a huge spider in the basement and was convinced it was a black widow. He was dysregulated and spent the first twenty minutes resisting the creative writing treasure hunt I had carefully prepared. His body was present. His mind was not.
So we abandoned it.
Instead, I pulled together a slide of cartoon spiders on Canva, added speech bubbles, and invited him to personify each one. At first they were “pooey” and “smelled of farts and underpants”. They were villains. They were unwelcome.
But as we gave them personalities, preferences and voices, something shifted. By the end of the session, he had reconciled with them, apologised for being so mean, and agreed to go for breakfast with them.
We developed vocabulary. Structured dialogue. Built narrative voice.
The lesson plan changed.
The purpose did not.
This is the heart of personalised tutoring: responsive, adaptive, rooted in relationship. It is not about delivering content regardless of context. It is about noticing what is actually happening and responding with professional judgement.
Protect the Plan or the Person?
You can plan the most beautiful session. Clear objectives. Elegant scaffolds. Thoughtful sequencing.
But when your student appears on screen dysregulated and avoidant, the real question is this: do you defend your plan, or do you serve the person in front of you?
In *Love Tutoring*, I describe being the tutor your student needs as the willingness to notice what is happening in the moment and respond with intention. That does not mean abandoning rigour. It means understanding that progress is relational before it is procedural.
Teachers are often under pressure to “cover” the curriculum. Tutors are not. Our responsibility is different. We are there to move the learner forward — and sometimes that requires pausing, pivoting or reframing.
Adaptive tutoring does not lower standards. It protects them.
If a student cannot access the task because they are overwhelmed, anxious or distracted, pushing harder rarely works. Adjusting the approach, however, often restores momentum.
And yes — that beautifully designed activity will absolutely be recycled another day.
Tutoring Tales: Fractions, Fairy Cakes and Festivals? Oh my!
The same principle played out again this term in a completely different context.
Two students were finding fractions abstract and quietly intimidating. Not because they lacked ability, but because the symbols felt slippery and remote. When learning becomes abstract too quickly, it can also become scary.
So, with Purim a few weeks away — and Mishloach Manot (food gifts for friends and neighbours) to prepare — we left the desk an
d baked fairy cakes.
Measuring cups became ½, ¼ and ¾.
We doubled recipes.
We scaled batches.
We explored equivalent fractions in real time.
The kitchen became the classroom.
One student even paused and asked, “When are we actually doing the maths?
We already were.
Concrete first. Then abstract.
Purpose intact. Method adapted.
We moved naturally into proportion and scaling with the older student. We generalised quantities. We solved constraints. The cognitive demand remained high — but it was grounded in something tangible.
It was joyful. Rigorous. Deeply personal.
The CPA approach (concrete–pictorial–abstract) is often discussed in theory. In tutoring, it becomes practical, responsive and alive.
If you have a tutoring story to share — ideally with a photo — I would love to feature it. Please email me at **[julia@qualifiedtutor.org](mailto:julia@qualifiedtutor.
org).
Our profession grows stronger when we share what works.
QT Conversations: A Weekly Meet-Up for Tutors
Miss the staff room?
Join us for our weekly **QT Conversations** — Thursdays, 12.45–1.30.
This is our virtual staff room for tutors. A steady space to connect, think aloud and reflect on the work.
Bring a cup of tea, or even your lunch, and settle in. There’s no agenda and no presentation — just professional dialogue, camaraderie and the occasional well-earned laugh.
Bring whatever is on your mind:
• A challenging student situation
• A business question
• A safeguarding query
• A win worth celebrating
• Something that made you chuckle this week
The regular meeting link can be found in the Members’ Support WhatsApp channel.
Not yet a member? Sign up here or email [julia@qualifiedtutor.org](mailto:julia@qualifiedtutor.org) for more information.
Tutoring can be solitary work. But it doesn’t have to be.